Dear Qadeeja, Today we played in the playground, it was a wet morning just like any other Milan winter morning. Lucky for you I have an extra towel to wipe the swing dry so you can sit on it without wetting your clothes. You're the happiest, easily pleased creature I know, always singing when you are playing. It doesn't matter if you're playing alone or with me, you'll be happily singing whatever comes to mind. Other times, screaming plus laughing probably will be your choice especially if playing with your brother and sister. After a few rounds of swing and pretend horse riding, I was getting too cold to push you on the swing. Then we had our usual pistachio croissant/coffee (for me) and sugar donut/juice(for you) in the cafe. Our grocery shopping usually consist of very quick walk through the other aisles and a veryyy loong session of you looking and playing at the toy aisle...hehe...but you always understand when we don't buy any of the toys in the end. ...
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Bad relationship
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8 hours since I deleted my Facebook account, and 5 hrs since I deleted Instagram. I am already having withdrawal symptoms. I feel anxious, I can't help myself from reaching the phone every 5 minutes, every time I hit the home button and the blue f was not on the screen, it feels odd. What is it about facebooking that satisfy all cravings; food, attention, connections and at the same time are able to make you feel so inadequate in every aspect of life. And despite how depressing it makes me feel, I keep coming back for more. It's like being in a bad relationship, it is actually just that. A bad relationship; Facebook and I. Getting over it...this is going to take a while 😣
Rebirth 2018
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First step to being kind to myself is to quit Facebook and Instagram. That was 5 hour ago and my whole facebooking life flashed before me. I was a baby still in Instagram so quitting that doesn't really bother me that much. So much time wasted. What I truly want for myself is self acceptance. Accepting to what Allah has planned for me and making the best out of it. The making of a 36 year old woman, a wife, a mother of three. Plucked out from my comfort of being a working mom,living in a big family in warm friendly Putrajaya into a totally isolated environment of being a housewife in a foreign land. No woman is an island in social media but here I am cutting myself out from the internet scene just so I can see the real people in life. It's a choice I had to make for I had succumbed countless times, putting myself into despair thinking I am not good enough or my life is not good enough compared to others. My weakness I admit, and the only way I see to improve ...